Weird Christmas

My mom's father passed away Monday night. Note I didn't say "my grandfather." Technically, he is my step-grandfather or something like that. Although he was kind to me when I was a kid, I didn't grow up with any strong attachments to either of Mom's parents because they were holy-rollers and racists-- a hypocritical combination that I find so obnoxious that I really can't stand to associate myself with such people.

And so I don't regret his passing, but I regret the impact it has on other family members. And it's a weird feeling to have no one left in the grandparent generation, either by blood or by marriage.

I'm also emotionally conflicted by something. You see, he was quite well off. He had only one child, my stepmother, who is a drunk and a spendthrift. She had over $15K in credit card debt last I heard, spent mostly on booze and bankrolling her lazy daughter (my half-sister). And now with the death of one racist, that debt is wiped clean, just like magic! How the hell is it that I can bust my behind and get nowhere while rewards fall out of the sky onto a lazy person like my sister and a woman like Mom who spends 21 nickels out of every dollar?

Yeah, yeah, I know. Life ain't fair. Deal with it.

So the parents are off to California and won't be back until around New Year's. No biggie. When everyone is a grownup, Christmas is when you say it is. Maybe we'll celebrate Three Kings Day instead.

Oddly, my sibs are staying in town. Now, not to diss them any more than I usually do, but if it were my grandparent being buried, you wouldn't be able to keep me off the plane, holiday travel hell or no. I doubt they're staying away on principle, like I am. The fact that the old man probably left them something in his will and their mother could maybe use their emotional support ought to be enough motivation to get their candy asses onto the next plane to the Los Angeles area. Hell, I would've walked to Massachusetts for my grandmother's funeral, had it been necessary. And I knew I wasn't getting a dime and no one needed my strong shoulder to cry on. Up there among my New England relatives, I'm just a novelty.

Sometimes I wonder how I ended up in this family. I swear we share almost no common values. We're all carbon-based forms of life, and that's about it.

No workout tonight. I wanted to do some spinning, but we did a few new things in therapy today and I was a little worried that if I hopped on the bike tonight I would have no way of gauging if what we tried is hurting or helping. So my plan is to go for a run tomorrow if I'm feeling good, otherwise I'll make a date with Coach Troy and do some spinning.