Saturday, May 03, 2008

Perspective

I had a nice run this morning that included stopping by the vet’s office to get flea medicine for the pets. As I was leaving the vet’s office, some fast-moving dark clouds moved in. They were dramatic and scary-looking but I suspected they were moving too quickly to drop any rain and I was correct. They did cool the morning temps, though, and added a nice breeze to the stuffy air as I ran to my favorite cemetery. I needed a dose of perspective.

I’ve been aggressively courted by another department for a couple of months now and recently had an interview that went very well. I suspect I’ll have a firm offer this week and will have to make a decision. I love the department I’m currently with, I’ve worked hard to build my team and I feel like I’ve finally gotten things to a stage where I can start focusing on the want-to-dos instead of just the have-tos. I want to move to things to the next level in my current role and would rather not leave.

But I’m getting tired of the promises never fulfilled. I’m underpaid and under-graded for what I do. I have co-workers right in the same office who are not managers, have less responsibility, work fewer hours, and make within $1,000 of what I do. For nearly two years my boss has talked a good game about how she’s going to do right by me, while doing nothing. She can fix the problem with a signature on a piece of paper, but she’s always got an excuse. This saddens me because we go back a long way together and when she first came to our department, it was I who welcomed her and made myself her right-hand gal. I championed her causes for years and thought we were friends.

Yeah, I feel betrayed. Screwed. This other department could never tempt me away otherwise with what little they’ll be able to offer. What they are offering me instead is a very clear message that they want me and value me. Hell, they restructured the position just for me, after talking to me in informal interviews. They value me even if my current boss does not. So why am I so sad about all this?

So I needed perspective today and of course I got it. Cemeteries do that for me. They remind me that life is short and most of what we think are really big and important problems, aren’t. Not by a long shot. I need to be reminded of that sometimes. It’s so easy to get caught up in minutiae and lose sight of the fact that most of what we do just isn’t going to have that big an impact on where we end up. We need to follow our bliss in the here and now, not only for our own peace of mind but because we’ve been blessed with the opportunity to do so and there are many who came before us and never had the chance to choose a wedding dress, much less between two jobs that will lead to the same retirement package in the end.

I’m making raisin bread tonight— I’m letting the dough rise overnight and I’ll finish it in the morning. I’ll post the results here tomorrow!

Recent Baking
1 loaf banana bread
2 loaves carrot-apple bread
2 loaves raisin bread (in progress)

Recent Workouts
Monday: 2 mile run, 10 minute elliptical, 10 minute row
Tuesday: too damn tired
Wednesday: 4 mile run
Thursday: 45 minute spin, weights
Friday: scheduled rest day
Saturday: 20 mile run

4 comments:

Thomma Lyn said...

Wow, Bunnygirl -- in your post, I hear echoes of how I felt in my university job before I left it in early 2006. I, too, felt unappreciated.

I wish your boss appreciated you more. I was in a similar situation with my university job -- my bosses often told me the department wouldn't make it without me, yet I was taken for granted, dumped on, and in the final indignity, pushed into a mousehole office when the floor plans got bunged up -- I am easygoing and not high maintenance, so I guess they figured, "Oh well. Put TL in the mousehole, even though she's got seniority. TL won't raise a stink."

Ha! No, TL left to follow her bliss. :) And I don't take a day of it for granted.

Congratulations on the upcoming new job offer -- you should be proud of everything you've accomplished in your university career, and I know you'll make an informed, intelligent decision because you're a wonderfully level-headed and practical person. And you are so right, it's easy to lose oneself in minutiae and to forget that our greatest joy is to be found in the present, in living itself, as long as the gift of our lives lasts.

Leah J. Utas said...

You're right about following your bliss, Bunnygirl. Do what is right for you and you alone.

the Bag Lady said...

What they said.

And yes, cemeteries are good for helping straighten out your priorities. Believe it or not, so are cows. We humans could take a lesson or two from them.

From Here to There said...

Tough call - you'll make the right decision when the time comes.

Maybe add stress to the equation - your current job seems very high stress with a lot of deliverables. If the new one can offer you more 'you' time, it might help in your decision.

Great workout week!